The Writer’s Stretch

Writing is like an athletic sport utilizing a specific set of muscles, all of which exist inside the brain. The athletic writer, not to be confused with the athletic supporter, should never begin a haiku, a short Story, a novella, a novel, or a multi-generational epic without stretching those writing muscles.
Stretching the writing muscles is not as straightforward as using a band beneath the pad of your foot and pulling the anterior tibial, posterior tibial, and peroneal, tibial muscles in a warm-up exercise. A writer’s stretch exercises those critical portions of the brain that feed words to your fingers.
My morning, afternoon, evening or bathroom stretch (Yes, I write using my IPAD on the throne, so don’t judge,) uses the following sequence.

  1. Turn off ALL DISTRACTIONS.
  2. Turn on the computer and turn off your internet. (Cute Kitty Videos and Porn are signposts on the road to Hell’s own writer’s block.)
  3. Set a ten-minute timer.
  4. Close your eyes or put on a black silk blindfold. Thee should be o be in every bedroom.
  5. Write the first noun that comes to mind.
  6. Follow with the first verb.
    NONOBLIGATORY CHEERING SECTION: You can do this, ! Congratulatory slap on my/your butt. Do not invite a friend to slap you. See Step 2. Road to. Hell, dude.
  7. Continue writing sentences that make sense or strings of random words into a salad.
  8. Throw in an adjective or two. (Yes, I know adjectives suck your prose into the darkest pit of Acheron, but this is a warmup, not an editing session.)
  9. Is that fucking timer still running?
  10. Did I forget to turn on the sound?
  11. Maybe, if I just take off this fucking silk mask.
  12. No, fingers on the keyboard.
  13. Write like it means something.
  14. Write like your kissing the most beautiful (man, woman, cat, alien from Doxquiticor, or yourself because I don’t judge) object on earth.
  15. And, beep, beep, beep.
  16. Now, I’m ready to sprint.
    Ten minutes are up. Sometimes you will write more, and on others less. The number of words written in your Writer’s Stretch is irrelevant. Meaning is irrelevant. Grammar is just a damned annoyance created by your inner editor who is dressed in a bustier and holding a whip.
    You’ve set your brain free. Let it create something packed with words.
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